I don’t think i’ve ever written anything a post like this before that gave me butterflies at every single tap of the keyboard. Words like this are normally tucked up safe in a secret letter penned to myself or deleted after the very last full stop.
Something told me not to.
I think it was the irony of celebrating ‘Titty Tuesday’ and our ‘Boobie Badges’ that tugged emotionally on the knots in my stomach and which is probably the reason why you’re reading this.
Yet nothing can prepare you for that stomach turning feeling you get when your usual morning shower and sly breast grope discover something 'unusual' that definitely wasn't there last week.
My daughter turned 2 in December and what a rollercoaster journey its been. Winging it is definitely an understatement. We happily celebrated a 17 month long stint of breastfeeding and ever since then my boobs have changed in shape, size, texture so many times.
In one of my old Titty Tuesday posts I talk about it being better to be safe than sorry, but when your faced with the dreaded C word its a cocktail of emotions that stir up the past, future and present.
My nana passed away from breast cancer at such a young age and one of my aunties has just undergone treatment for a third time! The bastard is just relentless. Needless to say it might be nothing. It could just be one of the changes in my breasts with recently having stopped breastfeeding. But the reality of this 'lump' just knocks the wind right out of you. In an instance your life flashes before your eyes and all you can see is your baby girl growing up without you.
Tales from a hypochondriac spring to mind, but when it's matters of life or death, you can't help but imagine the worst. I won't go into the details because your own imagination can render up the most darkest, deepest scenarios possible.
So, as I lay here in bed awaiting my prognosis at the hospital this week, I pray that no matter how big, small, irregular, unusual or irrelevant you think anything is - please go and see your doctor, not only for peace of mind but because early detection is key.
Don't put it off thinking it will go away. Your conscious won't let it.
Peace, love and a happy new year to you all!